The Next Post: Weighty Matters

This will be short post, like me. And a fat post, also like me.

So to get matters out of the way, I am fat.

I have always been fat. Which is why people tend to give me weird looks if they find out I attended a dance studio for most of my life (15 years, go me). But I wasn't good enough or serious enough about dancing. Don't get me wrong, I did like it, but when you're fat and not that flexible, you're limited in what you can do.

So, fat childhood, and I'm still fat. In fact, I've gained a lot of weight over the last two-ish years. And like most people, I don't like to post a lot of pictures of myself on social media (full body pics anyway). This can lead to awkward situations. Like accidentally catfishing my boyfriend on our first date, because on my online dating profile, all the pictures were pre-major-weight-gain. So he wasn't expecting me to be as fat.

Bonus: yesterday (Thanksgiving) I met his family for the first time. I think his mom liked me. But after we got back my boyfriend told me that his mom had bought us both pajama pants, but apparently bought the pants meant for me in a medium. So she was going to buy new ones for me.

I hate myself for that. I'm so embarrassed that just by looking at me she knew a medium wouldn't fit. And it's not just that. I have clothes I bought a couple years ago that I've never worn because by the time I was going to wear them (weather changes, etc), they don't fit me anymore. I went to put on a skirt for a job interview and I couldn't even get it over my ass.

I've actually started to learn better eating habits from my boyfriend. Well, at least I've learned what proper portions are. I'll be willing to go back for seconds and meanwhile he's stuffed on his first plate. And I'm over 60 pounds heavier than him. Also embarrassing.

Weight gain also means things like less energy, both because I have so much more to move around and also worse sleep. Probably not helping with my depression. Who knows.

This is what keeps me up at night.